


I Didn't Deserve It

by ChandlersDemon



Series: Psycho Series [2]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chansaw, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I should probably make this an actual chapter story, One-Shot, Psycho Chandler, Read Note For Description!, Self-Harm, Thats too much work tho xD, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 21:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16648430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChandlersDemon/pseuds/ChandlersDemon
Summary: "For all the answers I ever wanted.. Why did I somehow know you wouldn't have any..?"Heather's weak voice sounded over Veronica's shoulder and Veronica looked down behind her as she shook her head slowly, trying to come up with an answer on the spot.. But Heather was right, she really didn't have an answer for anything.





	I Didn't Deserve It

**Author's Note:**

> ~Hey Scrunchies
> 
> So, welcome to the Psycho Series. (So original, I know.)   
> This a series that pretty much, like half of these stories depict my personal life? Hi, meet the broken Heather Chandler who loved an actual Veronica Sawyer.   
> Anyways, this series is obviously set in an alternate universe. Both girls are still in high school, the only catch is, Heather is insane, and JD is sane. Woh, so origianl. Heather wears a blood red trench coat half the time, but that's more so when she falls into her insanity. She's relatively, 'sane', throughout most of the beginning of the series. I'm probably going to be making this a chapter series at some point, so bear with me. A lot of this is off the top of my head from what I can remember, I made this back in my Freshman year and I am currently a Junior. It's just a shit ton of unrequited love between Chandler and Veronica. Veronica pretty much leading Chandler on, but they never really become anything. Truly depressing, but that's how writing is sometimes. Tears you apart, but puts you back together.   
> Not the greatest of my explanations, but in reality they're normal high school students, the Heathers don't exist within this. They don't rule over the school with an iron fist. Instead, they're simply all in the same friend group. There will probably be a complete breakdown of everything at some point lol. 
> 
> Basics btw!   
> Veronica is a senior, she's older than Heather.  
> Heather is a sophomore, younger than Veronica. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~Carry on!  
> -Chandler

"If you know what's good for you, I'd back the fuck up." 

Spotting the brunette from her spot on the stairs, Heather glared at her. The senior had started a small walk for her and she knew it wouldn't end well. She wanted nothing to do with the older girl and didn't even want to see her anymore. The thought of her made her blood boil, but she felt her heart skip a beat the moment she heard the girl call to her. 

"Heather.. Listen to me, please.." 

Heather's brisk walk away from the senior had stopped as she heard what the girl wanted. She raised a brow as she slowly turned around. Looking directly into the taller girl's mocha brown gaze, she spoke with a harsh hiss. 

"Listen to you?" 

Running a hand through her hair as she turned back around, she shook her head as she started walking back down the wind tunnel. A breeze swept through the hallway, sweeping up leaves and dirt with it as Heather kept her walk. She could hear the older girl behind her, gaining on her, the footsteps getting louder and louder. It was only a matter of time before she got stopped, and she really wasn't ready to listen to the girl. She didn't care for what Veronica had to say, but at this point, she knew that she'd be forced to listen to her. 

_Listen? You never listened to me! Why should I listen to you?_

"Heather, stop." 

Heather's thoughts had been correct. The brunette had gained on her, grabbing her right wrist as it swung back naturally. 

Being pushed back to where her back hit the wall and she staggered to keep her balance, the older girl watched Heather with a calm glare. As much as she didn't like being pushed, she knew a million to one that she deserved that. What she didn't like more, was the fact that when she grabbed the girl's wrist, pain had filtered through the younger girl's eyes, showing that something beneath her sleeves were causing her pain. Fear flicked in her eyes for a short moment and the older girl saw that. She watched Heather flinch knowing that she saw something she didn't want her to see. 

"Don't fucking touch me!" 

Heather's eyes darkened with rage. Her normal silver orbs were nearly a stone gray as she watched the girl with caution. Pain flew up her arm as she instantly grabbed the inside of her sleeve. She hated that fear entered her eyes in that moment. It had happened before and the older girl knew what she had done. Heather hated that she had that effect on her, she just wished that she had been stronger and wouldn't have worn her feelings on her sleeves.. Literally..

Watching Heather with a sigh, the older girl frowned. She knew what Heather had done. She knew what was causing the girl so much pain, and in that moment she knew it wasn't her. She had caught Heather cutting before, it pained her so much upon finding out that she was the reason for her downfall, but at this moment, she was going to hopefully clear things up with her.. It wouldn't work, and she knew the younger girl wanted nothing to do with her, but she would try anyways.

"Pull up your sleeves." 

Heather faltered as she had turned around to leave. Her body froze in place as she slowly turned her head to look back at the girl. Seeing her raise a brow, Heather looked away, knowing that she had been caught. 

"Heather, show me your arms." 

Shaking her head, Heather turned around, trying to put on the mask that she normally had on. She needed to have it on or else she'd fall apart. As vulnerable as she was in that moment, she needed to try and convince her that she wasn't. Heather was never able to do that when she was around the older girl, she nearly bent to her will. 

"Fuck off, Veronica!" 

Hearing the snap come from the younger girl, Veronica slowly took a step forward, her brow raised. 

"If I need to tear those sleeves up myself, I will. It's the hottest day of the month and you're frying in a hoodie." 

Heather rolled her eyes, clearly not content with the thought of taking off the article of clothing, nor rolling her sleeves up. She knew what was beneath it.. She knew it was wrong..

"Why do you care?" 

Veronica raised a brow. To her, the question was rather rude and uncalled for, but viewing it through the younger girl's eyes, she slowly saw her faults. 

"Would you rather me not?" 

"You never did any other time." 

Pursing her lips, Veronica took another step forward.

"I never knew!" 

A small chuckle came from Heather, her lips curling into a psychotic smile the older girl couldn't see. Her mask was broken.. Her heart shattered. The last thing she wanted was to feel the sting in her eyes as tears threatened to fall. She was vulnerable in front of Veronica. She hated it.. But now, now she was broken. Her mentality went to hell and the last time she smiled was when she cried and remembered the better times. 

Slowly turning around to meet the older girl's scared mocha brown gaze, she watched the older brunette frown with sympathy. Veronica took a small step forward, clearly hesitant with her movement as she waited for Heather to show a sign of moving. The younger girl was unpredictable, so what she did next would determine whether or not she would be able to get a straight answer out of the girl. Their eyes were locked and in that moment, Heather felt her heart stop beating as she weakly cackled the four words she repeated to herself nearly everyday. 

"Because you never cared." 

Her sleeves fell down as her arms went up. Sticking in place with the blood that trickled from deep cuts the young girl had made. Her arms were a massacre, old and new blood staining her arms and the sleeves to the bright red hoodie. Drops of scarlet blood fell to the floor below and Veronica's heart stopped as she looked directly at the scene before her. She was the reason for all this pain. She was the reason the sophomore wanted to die from blood loss. She was the reason she grew so demented and unstable. Nearly running forward, the older girl looked at her arms, tears slipping down her cheeks as she began to sob the younger girl's name. 

"Heather!" 

Hearing her name cried in her ear, Heather slowly wrapped her arms around the older girl. Not worrying about how her blood was slowly staining the girl's navy blue t-shirt. Her mind was blank. Everything that had been running through her head stopped. Her heart? It beat slower and slower every second. When the realization hit her that she was hugging the older girl, Heather tried to move out of the hug. The pain coursing through her veins as she pulled against the older girl who restrained her. She knew she wouldn't win the fight, the older girl's hold on her was strong, warm... It was what she had wanted for so long, but now having it, she didn't want it at all. 

Sobs sounded in Veronica's ear as she rested her head on top of the younger girl's, her eyes closed tightly as she kept her hands planted on the girl's body. She didn't want to lose her.. She had messed up so bad and she knew she wasn't going to get her back.. Heather wanted nothing to do with her, but in that moment, Veronica knew that she needed her. 

"Why..?" 

The choked sob sounded in her ear and Veronica slowly rubbed the girl's back. She didn't know how to respond to the question. What she did was horrible and she was aware of that.. She regretted it immensely, but the past was the past and she could only shape the future. Looking past the girl and to the floor below, she slowly shook her head. No matter what she said, she never had an answer for why she did what she did. 

"I'm sorry, Heather.." 

Heather instantly pulled out of the girl's hold. Her force so strong that the older girl nearly staggered back as she cried softly, looking away, she new what the girl was going to say. She was at fault and she never wouldn't be. Everything that happened was her fault, not Heather's. 

"It's too late for sorry! What the fuck did I do to deserve any of the shit you did?" 

Heather watched the girl, her puffy silver eyes full of fear and anger. Her heart was beating so rapidly at this point she was sure she would suffer from a heart attack at any moment.. Because she knew the answer... There wasn't one. Veronica didn't have an answer and Heather knew that. What Veronica did, Heather knew she didn't deserve it. It would always hurt her to know that even though she never deserved it, she still got it. 

"Do you even know? Do you have an answer?" 

Veronica looked away, shaking her head. She had no answer.. No reason for causing the girl so much pain. 

"No.." 

She sobbed out quietly, looking back at the younger girl. 

"No, I don't.." 

Heather looked away, blood from her fresh cuts dripping down her arms only to slip through her fingers and down to the concrete below. Watching it happen, Heather stood there for a moment. Just watching her own blood hit the concrete below. It was a horrible sight.. But in that moment she felt a sense of tranquility run through her body before she looked up to watch Veronica. 

"For all of the answers I ever wanted.." 

Her voice came out in a pained whisper as she slowly met the girl's scared gaze. 

"Why did I know that you wouldn't have any?" 

Turning to the side as she watched the older girl jump to defend herself, Heather rolled her eyes, looking out into the distance. She barely had any care left for what the older girl had to say, but she would still listen.

"I was scared, Heather.. You were obsessed! I-" 

Heather felt her heart freeze as a new presence entered her body. She was unable to contain her rage any longer as she all but glared at the older girl. Her silver gaze dark with rage and disbelief as she looked at the older girl, blood slipping between her fingers and splattering the wall beside them with drops of red as she turned so quickly. 

"Scared?" 

Veronica gulped. Her word choice clearly not the best as she only decided to see that now. She knew she had no right to be scared, but Heather had every right.. She put her through so much..

"You were fucking scared? Veronica, I was scared!" 

The younger girl took a step forward, her voice shaking as she cried out her pain. 

"I was scared every night that you wouldn't be there in the morning! I was scared every moment that I did something wrong!" 

Choking on her words, Heather looked away, covering her mouth as she coughed from her pain. Everything hurt... Her voice was hoarse and she could feel her heart throbbing i her ears as she continued, weak, yet strong as she continued in a near whisper. 

"I was scared... Every day, that you were lying to me again and you never cared.." 

Watching the younger girl cautiously, Veronica shook her head, tears slowly slipping into the breeze as she whimpered.

"So.. You were scared?" 

The girl before her broke down. The younger strawberry blonde clearly fed up with everything she had been forced to deal with for years. She was unable to keep her composure and it wasn't long before she felt arms wrap around her sides and pull her flush against her body. Her effort to stay out of the brunette's hold was short lived as she rested her head against the older girl's chest, crying her heart out as she held her so tight, as if any moment the girl would leave and disappear.. Again..

Heather's voice grew weak, her cries replaced with harsh coughs and her blood soon coming to soak the older brunette's sides instead of the floor below. 

Veronica just ran her hand through the girl's strawberry blond locks, nodding her head softly as she listened to the girl cry against her. Her entire chest vibrated as the girl choked and sobbed, her form cracking every second. 

The only words she heard the girl cry out in a whisper, were the words she never believed, but she knew the girl had run out of things to say.

"I hate you.. I hate you so much.." 

Sighing, Veronica nodded her head once more, shushing her as she ran her hand through the girl's strawberry blonde locks, wincing as she felt her shake beneath her hold. 

"I know, Heather.. I know.." 

They stood there. Holding one another in their arms as the younger girl cried for the whole school to hear. She didn't know what else to do, but in that moment, the only comfort she got was from the same person who was the reason she couldn't sleep at night. The reason that she would rather live in Hell than on Earth. A love hate relationship where love outweighed the hate.. Yet some days Veronica grew unsure. It wasn't until she heard the younger girl beneath her cry the three words she thought she wouldn't hear again. They came out pained.. Shattered, almost as though she didn't mean them, but she knew that she did. It just hurt Veronica more knowing that she could never say them back. 

_"I love you..."_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Writing Times
> 
> Start Time: 
> 
> 4:32 AM EST 
> 
> End Time:   
> 5:14 AM EST


End file.
